public speaking
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How to cure Verbalfilla
Many a brilliant declaration, speech or presentation is ruined by the presence of unattractive filler sounds such as uh … um … ah … you know … like … sort of … and the like. Crutch phrases. If you know what I mean. Verbalfilla.
Can they do you harm? In the context of doing business, yes they can, because they distract listeners from your message and lose you some of their esteem.
In a social context, they also lower your ranking, and reveal your lack of self confidence.
Verbalfilla is irritating, it is ugly and it interferes with the process of communication. It ranks alongside such undesirable body language as scrotum scratching and nose nibbling.
It indicates that you are unprepared or unsure of what to say next, and therefore making it up as you go along. That, of course, puts a serious dent in your credibility.
Worst of all, it’s catching.
5-Point Plan
Fortunately, it is not terminal and can be cured. Here’s my 5-point Plan to rid your mouth of verbalfilla.
1.  Listen. Take a recording of yourself in a telephone conversation or making a speech, and listen for the verbalfilla sounds you make.
2.  Watch. Pay attention to the way you speak, an even enlist your spouse or a close friend to signal when you use a verbalfilla, and stop speaking. Then re-state what you were saying, perhaps starting with “I think what I’m trying to say is …â€
3.  Go faster. Practise speaking faster. Often, speaking with urgency and purpose will eliminate the dreaded verbalfillas.
4.  Speak more. Get better at expressing your point of view and developing your arguments in conversation.
5.  Practise impromptu speaking, following a simple structure such as Past, Present, Future or Problem, Cause, Solution.
For more help with this or any other problem in public speaking, drop me a line at phillip@speakingandpresentationskills.com.
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Carrying the bride over the threshold
Carrying the bride across the threshold is a common practice, not only in the English speaking world, but in many other countries as well. To understand this you need to go back to the origin of the threshold itself.
In ancient times, most houses had mud floors which would get slippery and messy from the rain water that was carried in on the shoes and boots of people going in and out of the house. To counter this, straw (thresh) was laid on the floor. Inevitably, the thresh would spread and creep through the doorway, so a wooden bar was laid across the doorway to hold back the thresh, hence threshold.
On entering her new home, the bride had to be careful not to trip or stumble on the threshold, as that was a bad omen, signifying that the marriage itself would fail. To avoid this, the groom would pick up his bride and carry her safely over the threshold.
It apparently did not matter if he tripped over his own threshold.
Of course, there were dangers, as when the bride was heavier than the groom, and it could be that some negotiation had to take place.
So the practice of carrying the bride over the threshold was by no means either obligatory or universal. However, it did add a gallant touch to the end of a wonderful day.
There is another version of the origin of this practice. In Roman times, a bride had to demonstrate her reluctance to surrender her virginity. So she had to be carried over the threshold, lest she should run away.
She may not have been reluctant at all, but it was necessary, for the sake of decorum, to pretend!
There will be more stories of myths, legends and customs here, if you keep looking. Meanwhile, if you’d like help with a speech (for a wedding or any other occasion), drop a line to phillip@speakingandpresentationskills.com.
Phillip
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Old wedding customs 1
There are many old customs attached to the marriage ceremony, and I thought I’d share some with you.
This one is about the bride’s garter.
To this day it is quite common for the bride, at the reception, to raise her skirt and remove a ceremonial garter from the top of her white stockings. It clearly has a sexual meaning and originated in English North Country weddings, where the garter was removed by guests who raced to be the first to do so as soon as the bride had been taken home to be bedded.
The young swains would leap opn their horses and race to the bride’s new home, where the winner would kneel at the doorway, awaiting the bride’s arrival. She would raise her skirt and allow him to remove the garter, sometimes with his teeth, encouraging him to hand it to his own sweetheart for good fortune in love.
In the 17th century, just as the bride was being prepared for bed by her maids, the groomsmen would burst into the bridal chamber and snatch any garter they could from the bridesmaids.
By the 19th century, only the groom was entitled to remove the garter, which he then offered as a prize in a horserace run by the groomsmen.
Watch this space tomorrw for the next wedding custom. And for help with a wedding speech, write to phillip@speakingandpresentationskills.com.
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Introducing a speaker
Introductions are launch pads
The Introduction is an essential part of speechmaking. If you are the chairman of the meeting, or if you are the speaker, you must take hold of the Introduction and make it work. All speakers need to know how to make good introductions, both to ensure that they get the right build up before speaking, and because making an introduction is one of the skills that make a complete speaker.
Let’s start with an example of an introduction that failed the speaker:
Our next speaker is going to tell us about his travels in America and what he found so exciting in that country. Michael Steel says he often goes there, and he’s here to tell us his latest adventures.
The chairman then stopped talking and looked towards the speaker, gesturing limply as much as to say, “It’s all yours.†The audience didn’t know when to applaud, so as the speaker strode to the front there was a smattering of applause that rapidly died, leaving the speaker high and dry. He had to crank up his audience from cold. So let’s consider why this (fairly typical) introduction was less than adequate.
· It was too vague about the topic that was to be covered in the speech. “About his travels†— what kind of travels?
· In saying something as meaningless as “what he found exciting in that countryâ€, the chairman revealed that he probably hadn’t exchanged more than a couple of words with him before the meeting.
· “He’s here to tell us his latest adventures†is a form of words that diminishes the value of the speech.
· There was no mention of the speaker’s credentials. Why should anyone want to hear Michael Steel talk about America? Does he have some special insight, some particular expertise, some unusual purpose in travelling to America?
· There was no “Hook†— nothing to grab the attention of the audience and make them want to sit up and listen.
· It was not obvious when the introduction was over, save for the embarrassed silence at the end. The speaker was left to create his own First Impression, without the benefit of a “launch†from the chairman.
· The chairman did not take his introduction to a climax, nor did he lead and sustain the applause until the speaker was in the position to take charge of the platform.
Now you may be thinking, isn’t that rather a lot to squeeze into a brief introduction, and you’d be right. But, you see, there’s a lot more to an introduction than you may have thought.
Some Dos
What should an introduction consist of? It should:
· Engage the attention of the audience
· Raise their expectations, but not too highly
· Launch the speaker
· Mention his/her name several times
· Establish the speaker’s expertise or qualifications
· State what the speaker will be talking about (speech title)
· Be brief
· Create a good impression of the speaker
Some Don’ts
Needs no introduction …
The why make one? This is just lazy talk.
Without further ado …
First of all, it’s old fashioned. Secondly, have you considered what it means? Do really intend to say that it has been a bit of a nuisance talking about the speaker, so let’s quit now? “Ado†means “difficulty, bother or fussâ€. Think of “Much ado about nothingâ€.
The speaker gave me this …
This undermines the speaker. It says, in effect, “I’m not taking responsibility for the good things I’m about to tell you about the speaker†and implies that the speaker is immodest.
Good lady wife …
The phrase is so cringe-making. Does he have a bad wife as well? Sometimes people say “good lady†or “better halfâ€. Don’t be one of them. It’s a shibboleth that demeans the lady and you as well.
Put your hands together …
In prayer? It’s one of those dreadful clichés that have been popularised by ill-educated game show hosts on TV.
None other than …
It’s all a bit unnecessary, and reminds me of the introduction song to Donald Duck cartoons, which ends, “No one (pause) but Donald Duck!â€
Heard he’s good …
Sounds like a challenge. “Heard he’s good, so let’s see if it’s true!†It places an unfair burden of proof on the speaker, and raises the audience’s expectations to an unreasonable level.
HOW to do it right
Consult the speaker beforehand
Obtain only Relevant info for the occasion
Consider your Opening/maintain good Order
Present speaker’s Credentials
Give the Speaker/Guest Kudos
Do it with Enthusiasm
Give Title — speech / Speaker / Topic
Let your ROCKET launch the Speaker!
Finish on speaker’s name, with a rising flourish: John (pause) SMITH!
EXAMPLE of correct Speaker introduction
Our next speaker is well known to you all. I won’t say he needs no introduction, because it is always a pleasure and an honour to introduce Les King, a man of many parts. He is witty, humorous, and a fascinating raconteur. When Mike Silverman appointed him Area Governor, Les said that it was proof that Mike has a sense of humour. Among his many interests is a fascination with computers and with the Internet, which he uses to communicate with Toastmasters everywhere. This evening he is going to show us how easy it is to cope with the complexities of the Internet. The title of his speech is, “Talk is cheap, but the Net is cheaper.â€
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s give a friendly welcome to our Area Governor, Les (pause) KING!
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Lose those labels
We all carry around labels from the past — labels that define us in ways we’d rather forget.
We carry them like dead weights hung around our necks, holding us back from being the people we’d prefer to be. We change, we move on, we gain new status in our lives … but still those embarrassing labels haunt us.
Is there nothing we can do to get rid of them?
Click on the clip below, and hear what I think we could do:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/v/R5u4OMfjDlE]
www.phillipkhan-panni.com